9/11 se 9-2-11 tak

parnam guys & their gwalas!!!!!!

after my 116 yrs old great grandmother said"kalmuhay!!kabhi to naya post likh liya kar...din bhar baitha baitha baap ka "chicken-mutton" todhta rehta hai(thodi high level ki berozgaari hai)..nikhattu kahin ka!!"...... so here is new nanha -munna, chunnu-munnu post......u all know abt 9/11(abey ye bagal wali mishrayein ka birthday nahi hai).....my unreliable sources has come up with some unknown events dat took place on the day of 9/11 as well as post 9/11....here it follows....

on the day of 9/11....

at the WHITE HOUSE phone rings.....
tring tring....
BUSH:helloo....

MUSHARAFF:hello sir....pairi pauna.....this is mushi speaking!!

BUSH:hey mushi...wassup dude.....just hold on 4 a sec...(bush covers the receiver with his hands & says)...hey amanda...get off my lap....go & prepare this document...till then i'll talk 2 mushi...after the call we can continue..hehe...(bush removes his hands 4m the receiver & says) yo mushi......tell me!!

MUSHARAFF:hakim...m very sorry abt amrikka & the WTC disaster.....its really very sad...we r with u in this hour of trauma...one most important thing is dat we r not at all responsible 4 this catastrophe....oye iss laden ki maa ki!!!!

BUSH:hey mushi...wat r u sayin....m not able 2 understand a single word...wat disaster,trauma & who's laden.....wat do u mean by all these????

MUSHARAFF:oye teri....maalik... right now wats the time in amrikka??
BUSH:8:00 a.m.....why?

MUSHARAFF:oye bhains ki.....sir....i will call u after an hour....bye!!!!

post 9/11...

2 yrs later...after destroying IRAQ like emraan hashmi destroys the lipsticks of his co-stars,george bush came 2 visit india & went 2 a school in the village of haryana(where people have grey cells equivalent 2 mallika sherawat's clothes) & had an interaction with "jatt"kids which was of same significance as dat of interaction b/w carmen electra & "behen" mayawati....after interaction pres. bush asked if any kid wanted 2 ask any question.....so one kid stood up.....

KID:ram ram mallako....myara naam chandramohan chautala....and i have "thireey" (3) questions 2 ask u...

1)why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) where is osama?
3) why does America support Pakistan so much?

BUSH:u r an intelligent guy.......(suddenly the bell rings 4 the recess)....see u after the break!!

AFTER THE RECESS....

BUSH:ok kids...where were we....any questions?

an another kids raises his hands & says.......

KID:ram ram mallako....myself omkar singh.....i have 5 questions...

BUSH:ya...tell me

KID:my questions r....

1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) where is osama?
3) why do America support Pakistan so much?
4) why did recess bell rang 20 mins before the scheduled time?
5) last but not the least,where is CHANDRAMOHAN behen de taakay??

ok bhailog.....got 2 go.....hope u liked it....i may be taking 2 months sabbatical 4m blogging....one more thing.....i've started getting ads 4m google "maata"....kabhi kabhar click kar dena uspe...i know u guys wont click on ads which does not have pamela anderson or yasmeen bleeth flaunting their voluptous assets....but sorry 2 say "larry bhaiya" does not provide me this facility
bbye

DHANYAVAD

KYUNKI PICTURE ABHI BAAKI HAI part-1

parnam all of u!!!!
after the "apaar safalta" of the last post(bolne mein mere sasur ka kya jata hai...hehe)....i yumm back with "philmy gupshup"(yaar...domain change karna pada...coz of my last post i am WANTED-dead or alive in Bihar)......this post focuses on the part which follows the THE END of the movie......to aaj ki hamari film hai Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayengay(DDLJ).....lets recapitulate.....

THE END se just pehle........

the year 1995

Amrish Puri says to Kajol..."ja puttar...ji le apni zindagi"......and kajol runs in the same way a U.P wale bhaiya runs in order 2 catch a thief who stole his "dustakiya"(desi term 4 10Rs.) and jumps into the train by holding SRK's hands and her family memebers get so happy as if their daughter has just won an olympics medal....and then SRK,kajol & anupam kher celebrate their success in some adivasi "jhingalala"isstyle....and the movie ends......

Yash uncle ka kaam yehan khatam hua.....aagey ki kahani aapko Anurag uncle sunayengay

after THE END.....

the year 2008

things have changed past 13 years except amar singh's speech......the whole world has moved on s0 have RAJ(Shahrukh Khan) & SIMRAN(Kajol).......lets see

sceane1:raj & simran's residence in mumbai

RAJ(sitting on couch & sipping lemon tea):Aeeeeeee.....hahhhhhhh.....simran.....mera nasta bana do....zara bahar jana hai.....

SIMRAN(replying as angry as Mayawati):Kahan chal diye subah subah.....meri saut ke paas!!!

RAJ(replying as timidly as Manmohan Singh):Aeeeeeee.....hahhh.....ye kya keh rahi ho tum..?

SIMRAN:Aur kya.....ja rahe hogay....us kalmuhay Karan Johar ke paas apna muhh kala karwane.
naspeeta jab dekho tumhe chumne ke bahanney dhoondhta rehta hai

RAJ:Aeeee..hahh....aisa mat kaho na.....

SIMRAN:kyu na kahun.....mere to bhagya hi phoot gaye tumhare jaisa pati paake....kaash meri

wo train hi chut jaati......mujhe kya malum tha ki tumhari "aisi aisi" aadatein hain.......tumne jhoot mooth ka guitar haath mein leke aur "tujhe dekha to ye jana" wale gaane ke cassette pe mast lipsync nahi kiya hota to main tumse kisi janam mein nahi patti..... main kaise bataun duniya ko.....ki mera pati "WOH" hai!!!!

RAJ:Aeeeeeeeeee.....aisi bilkul bhi baat nahi hai....hahhhhhh!!!!

SIMRAN:tum to chup hi raho....tumne jab se 6 packs abs banaya hai...tab se wo Karan ka baacha

tumse aur bhi jyada chipakta hai.....tumhe to logo ki bhi parwaah nahi hai.....tum jab road pe nikaltey ho to log tumhare peeche dekh kar kehte hain..."ab pata chala...ye Karan apna "jauhar" kahan dikha raha hai"......lekin tum toh "shibu soren" ki tarah besharam ho !!!!!

RAJ:Aeee...main to bas Karan ke paas jata hu to have "Koffee with Karan"!!!

SIMRAN:chahe tum jaake lo "Koffee with Karan" ya "Rasam with Ranatunga"....tumhari muhh
marne ki aadat nahi jayegi...bhai...Saif ke saath to "safe"tha.....lekin us Sharmila ke aulad ko sharam naam ki cheez hi nahi malum.....wo kalmuhha ek haath par Kareena ka aur duje haath par tumhara naam tatoo kara ke ghoom raha hai....naaspeeta!!!!!

RAJ:Aeeeee...sanorita!!!bade bade shehro mein choti choti baatein hoti rehti hain...hahhhh!!

SIMRAN:ek baar phir se ye dialogue bola na to maar ke muhh todh dungi....ye sab aadaton ke
ki hi baat nahi hai.....tumne jo apne baap ka paisa IPL mein barbad kiya...uska kya!! KKR ke alawa tumhe aur koi team nahi mili!!!

RAJ:Aeeeee....ab KKR se tumhe kya problem hai...hahhhhhh!!!!!!

SIMRAN:problem ki baat karte ho.....KKR mein tumhare jaise sab bhare pade hain.....wo dada
ko hi le lo....jab dekho shirt utar kar naachta rehta hai.....ab to Salman bhi usey apna Dronacharya maan gaya hai......mujhe to dada aur Chappel ki ladayi ka karan iss dada kay gande intentions lagtey hain......aur mujhe ye bhi malum hai ki tumne us naye launde Ishant Sharma ko apni team mein kyun liya?????

RAJ:Aeeeeeee....ab Ishant se kya problem hai....maine usse isliye liya kyunki wo kafi tez ball
dalta hai......haahhhhhhh

SIMRAN:nahiiii....tumne usse isliye liya kyunki uska kafi "lamba" hai!!!!

RAJ:kyaaaaaaa??

SIMRAN:uske bal aur kya......dekha.....tumhare dimaag mein to gandagi bhari hai.....maine dekha
ek din tum uske julfo mein haath daal kar khel rahe the.....tum kam kameenay ho!!!

RAJ:Aeeeee.....ye sab tumhare dimaag ka feetur hai!!!!

SIMRAN:aachaa.....us din Delhi Daredevils ke saath jab match tha.....tum Shoaib Akhtar ke saath
kya chichorigiri kar rahe the...wo sab ko malum hai.....us Shoaib kay godh pe chadd kar jo atkheliyan kar rahe they....ram ram.....sab ke saamne aise kar rahe the to akele mein pata nahi kya karte hoge!!!!

RAJ:wo to sportsman spirit tha.....hahhhhhhh!!!

SIMRAN:tum shoaib ki godh mein kya sports khel rahe the wo sab ko pata hai.....tumhe ye sab
karta dekh Sehwag aur Gambhir bhi sharma gaye.....unke beech chhipa hua prem panapne laga.....IPL ke khatam hone tak un dono mein IPL(Intense Prem Lagav) hogaya....arey zara socho...dono opening batsmen agar ek dusre ka "open" karke batting karne lagengay to Team India ka kya hoga!!!

RAJ:Aeeee.....ye sab tumhari galatfahmi hai.....hahhhhh!!!!

SIMRAN:meri galatfahmi....marungi ek laffa kheech ke....us din Kings XI Punjab ke saath jab
match tha.....match ke baad..wo Preety Zinta jab Brett Lee se chumma chaati karne mein busy thi.....tum pahuch gaye Ness Wadia ke paas....uspe doray dalne!!!!

RAJ:mujhe samajh nahi aa raha main kya karu......hahhhhhh!!!!

SIMRAN:tum bahut kar chuke...ab jao...jaake kuch paise kama ke lao....tumhara to Panchvi Pass bhi flop ho gaya hai......tumse zyada TRP to lalu yadav deta hai...sunne mein aaya hai ki STAR Tv wale usey Panchvi Pass ka anchor banane wale hain...aur bachchon ki jagah Sadhu Yadav,Subhash Yadav,Pappu Yadav aur Sahabuddin baithengay....tumne to masum bachchon ko bhi berozgaar bana diya...ab in bachchon ke nikhattumaa baap ka kya hoga....jaake sikho Salman se....Dus ka Dum mein khub paise bana raha hai aur dusro ki biwiyon se free mein gale mil raha hai!!!!

RAJ:Aeeeee.....kaun kambakth kehta hai ki Salman mujse jyada kama raha hai....hahhhh!!!!

SIMRAN:Salman kama nahi raha to uskey do berozgaar bhaiyon aur uski tanaak bhabhi Malaika ka kharcha kaun chala raha hai......aur Katrina Kaif ki hindi tuition ki fees kaun pay kar raha hai....tumhari triple loaded chachi Farah Khan!!!!Main to tumse frustate ho gayi hu.....abhi bauji ko phone lagati hu Bhatinda....wahi tumko seedhe rastey par layengay!!!!

Simran calls her dad THAKUR BALDEV SINGH(Amrish "Mogambo" Puri)

sceane2:the phone rings at Thakur Baldev's house in Bhatinda.....tring..tring

THAKUR:hellooo........

SIMRAN:pairi pauna bauji!!!!

THAKUR:kaisan ho bitiya!!!

SIMRAN:ye aapko kya ho gaya bauji...bhojpuri kyu bol rahe hain?

THAKUR:u ka hai na.....tumhri wo bahiniya hai na....ka naam hai sasuri ka....haan....chutki jo
England mein bahut dealing deti thi....ek U.P ke dealingbaaz launde ...ka naam hai sasuray ka....haan..Ujjwal Singh...ke saath bhaag ke shaadi kar li.....hum log toh usko punjabi nahi sikha paye lekin usne humko bhojpuri+awadhi ka crash course kara diya... ab aloo paratha ki jagah litti chookha khate hain.....rukho beti...jara hold karna....gutkha thuk ke aate hain!!!

SIMRAN:baujiiiii!!!!aap gutkha khane lagay hain????

THAKUR:arey u ka hai na...damadji ke father U.P ke bahut bada "rajnigandha mafia" hain......jab
bhi aatey hain...bori(gunny bag) bhar ke rajnigandha latey hain....bahut niman(nice)aadmi hain lekin betwa ek no. ka lafua(loafer)hai....doosrey ki mehraaru(wife) ko takta(to see)hai...chhottaa...aur to aur....damadji ka ek bangali dost hai..Biswajeet ...wo jab dekho tab damadji ke yehan dhamak jata hai aur Kishore da ke gaane ga ga ke tumri bahin pe doray dalta hai.....kalmuhha!!!!

SIMRAN:bauji!!!aur kya kya ho gaya ghar pe!!!!

THAKUR:arey u apni Preeti(Mandira Bedi)thi na.....usko "kirket"(cricket) ka achanak ke shaukh
jaag gaya......dhoni ki itni badi fan thi ki "Extra Innings" karte karte ek Ranchi ke mustanday.....ka to naam tha u laika(guy) ka....haan...Priyaranjan ke saath extra-marital affair kar baithi....ladkwa waise aacha kamata hai....Energy 41 capsule ka brand ambassador hai!!!!

SIMRAN:aacha bauji....Shabboo Bua(Himani Shivpuri) ka kya hua??

THAKUR:arey Shaboo ka bhagya ki badal gaya.....finally uska biyah(shaadi) ho gaya ek bihari
ladke se.....naam hai Aditya Prakash.....damad nahi devta hai....itna sarva-gunn-sampanna ladka milna bahut muskil hai.....ghar ka saara kaam karta hai..yehan tak ki shaboo ka saya,blouse,peticoat sab dho deta hai....bas keh lo damad ke rup mein "ramu kaka"mila hai !!!!

SIMRAN:aacha bauji main phone rakhti hu.....ab aur nahi suna jata!!!!

Simran turns 2 Raj & says:tum jaise bhi ho mere swamy ho...mujhe maaf karo!!!

and they lived happily ever after!!!!!

DHANYAVAD