parnam 2 all of u again
since u all have been waitin 4 my new post as eager as a bridegroom......i wont prolong the time period like viagara....
so here it follows.........
my life was like the life of a dandruff in Aamir Khan's bald head......barren,pricky,just has one road 2 travel and waiting 4 GHAZINI 2 be completed like i am waiting 4my date of joining which I may get in this birth itself ....i suppose......neways suddenly one day i got a marriage invitation card....a typical orange coloured card with a stamp of Lord Ganesha(our hindu santa claus).....on the front of the card...names of dulha and dulhan were written in bold lucida font.....@@#$$%$ weds &^&^**##.....(seriously guys...do u always remember the names of bride & the groom???)....the marriage was in PATINGTON(Patna....capital of USB)......within few dayz i was off 2 Patna.............
the journey begins.......
the road of Bihar is like cheek of Om Puri and after travelling all the way 2 patna i am sure i achieved 6 packs in my intestines......thanx 2 the rainy season we reached floating in our car......next day i reached the marriage place.......at the entrance 2 guards were standing resembling innocent farmers turned decoits coz of "zalim thakur" common in mid 80s hindi flicks.....the father of the bride was receiving the guests with his both hands stuck together very firm as a namastey and a smile suggesting"ye fevicol ka jodd hai...tutega nahi"....he was cladded in silk kurta & yellow dhoti......it seemed as if masala dosa has been served with rasmalai in a platter......so now i was inside the marriage hall amidst the gr8 bihari folks full of kumars,ranjans & jhas(common titles found in bihar....well my name itself is an example)..after 1&1/2 mins i was busy touching feets of all the chachas and chachis i knew nd some i didnt ....after touching feets ( 4^44^444)times i nearly felt as if was conceiving a small arnold in the womb of my biceps......well shaadi hai toh crowd ke baare mein to batana hi hoga.....the crowd basically consisted of
**bihari chicks in flambuoyant "lehenga" with 12 layer of foundation on their face looking like "damdami mayi" of Chandrakanta with look towards the guys suggesting"kabhi idhar bhi dekh liya karo...sanam harjaai"
**nuskh nikalu uncles....these r the type of guests who come 2 the marriage with a prime aim 2 find faults in the arrangements and the pair gettin married so dat they can tell their relatives abt badlighting arrangements,dirty carpets and "khatta dahi vadas"
**nonchalant uncles......these r the type of guys who doesnt even know why they r here and dont even care wats goin on around them....they just come tied with the "pallus" of their wives and having a look suggesting"hum tumhare hain sanam"
**bihari dudes......these r guys cladded in pink shirts,black pant & white belt.....true shisyas of guru "Manoj Tiwari" & "Ravi Kishan"(superstars of bhojpuri movies) starting each sentance of their conversation with "kyaa jiiiiii......."
& last but not the least.....people like me who come with the motive of devouring "shaadi ka khana" & observing people around.....taaki blogiyaane ke liye kuch maal mil jaye!!!!
as i was observing various species around suddenly one uncle caught hold of me & asked me abt the reason of my holiday weight dat i have put on recently.....seriously if the hollywood guys see me they will surely make a movie named..."the incredible bulk"........
now lets talk abt the dulha........i came 2 know dat the dulhaji was an air force pilot who was expected 2 land any moment 4m gorakhpur with his U.P waale bhaiyas who have 7-8 days old "paan, guthka & rajnigandhas"preserved in their mouth like mummys preseved in pyramids......
suddenly,there was lot of "halla-gulla" and everybody started shouting"baarat aa gaya jiiiiii"......relatives 4m the bride's side were ready with garland in their hands 2 welcome baaratis.......when dulha entered in the sceane......all the young girls+aunties got excited as if they just saw tom cruise naked....... as soon as dulha climbed the dias and sat in his royal seat....all the ladkiwallas stared at him as if he was last man left on the planet......then after few minutes...dulhan appeared in the sceane with her 2-3 sisters supporting her 4m 2 sides......after this balancing act, dulhan went up the dias....she gave a tiny glance to the dulha suggesting "maang bharo sajna" or"bin ferrey hum tere"types.......after "jaymaal" or u can say "the garland ceremony" the pair sat and few seconds later all the "saalis" pounced on dulha like dobermann pouces on the convict and the "jija saali chit- chat" began......
guys....i dont notice any marriage after "the garland ceremony"........so lets talk abt the food in the marriage
when i entered the hall where the food was served.....i saw a long line of the people yearning 4 food....i cud hear people saying following lines which u will hear only in a wedding
"bhaiji...zara teji se badhiye....humhu hain linewa mein"
"shukla ji....aap dahi vadawa kahe cheekk ke(bihari term of "obstruct") khade hain"
"arey bhaklol(bihari term of"idiot).....nan thanda na ho gaya hai...garam lao haali se(bihari term of"quick")"
there was no other way but 2 join the herd.......so i took a plate and joined the line as long as legs of deepika padukone.....and the type of people i met and struggle dat i went thru r as follows.......
as i started advancing in the line and had taken naan and pulao.... suddenly,i was obstructed by an uncle who was obfuscated abt the amount of daal he should take that should be in proportion with the amount of pulao....after lots of permutation & combination he achieved the desired ratio but again got confused with the amount of paneer he shud take so that it can fit in the area left between naan,pulao,salad without any overlapping with the daal providing enuf area so dat the next item i.e gulabjamun can easily adjusted....after frustating me 4 around 20mins he left the line & i took a sigh of relief which was shortlived.........
the next 2 uncles in the line ahead of me forgot abt their food and started discussing their children's prob obstructing me again.......their conversation was sumwat like....
uncle1:"ka batyein jhaji.....mera jo ladkwa hai na.....lafua(bihari term of "loafer") ho gaya hai....jab dekhiye ganja maar ke pada rehta hai....ka karein bataiye....."
uncle2:"mera betwa kaun sa doodh ka dhula hua hai......PMCH ke hostel mein ek room capture kar liya hai bhagwan jane kaise.....wahan din bhar daru peeta hai aur jua khelta hai"
me(thinking):"in dono awara beton ki shazza mujhe kyun mil rahi hai bhai......in dono beton ke chakkar mein meri panner thandi ho gayi"
after a long struggle i finally got my food....but lost my mood and apetite
to ye tha my experience of a bihari wedding.......hope u like it...bbye
DHANYAVAD
so here it follows.........
my life was like the life of a dandruff in Aamir Khan's bald head......barren,pricky,just has one road 2 travel and waiting 4 GHAZINI 2 be completed like i am waiting 4my date of joining which I may get in this birth itself ....i suppose......neways suddenly one day i got a marriage invitation card....a typical orange coloured card with a stamp of Lord Ganesha(our hindu santa claus).....on the front of the card...names of dulha and dulhan were written in bold lucida font.....@@#$$%$ weds &^&^**##.....(seriously guys...do u always remember the names of bride & the groom???)....the marriage was in PATINGTON(Patna....capital of USB)......within few dayz i was off 2 Patna.............
the journey begins.......
the road of Bihar is like cheek of Om Puri and after travelling all the way 2 patna i am sure i achieved 6 packs in my intestines......thanx 2 the rainy season we reached floating in our car......next day i reached the marriage place.......at the entrance 2 guards were standing resembling innocent farmers turned decoits coz of "zalim thakur" common in mid 80s hindi flicks.....the father of the bride was receiving the guests with his both hands stuck together very firm as a namastey and a smile suggesting"ye fevicol ka jodd hai...tutega nahi"....he was cladded in silk kurta & yellow dhoti......it seemed as if masala dosa has been served with rasmalai in a platter......so now i was inside the marriage hall amidst the gr8 bihari folks full of kumars,ranjans & jhas(common titles found in bihar....well my name itself is an example)..after 1&1/2 mins i was busy touching feets of all the chachas and chachis i knew nd some i didnt ....after touching feets ( 4^44^444)times i nearly felt as if was conceiving a small arnold in the womb of my biceps......well shaadi hai toh crowd ke baare mein to batana hi hoga.....the crowd basically consisted of
**bihari chicks in flambuoyant "lehenga" with 12 layer of foundation on their face looking like "damdami mayi" of Chandrakanta with look towards the guys suggesting"kabhi idhar bhi dekh liya karo...sanam harjaai"
**nuskh nikalu uncles....these r the type of guests who come 2 the marriage with a prime aim 2 find faults in the arrangements and the pair gettin married so dat they can tell their relatives abt badlighting arrangements,dirty carpets and "khatta dahi vadas"
**nonchalant uncles......these r the type of guys who doesnt even know why they r here and dont even care wats goin on around them....they just come tied with the "pallus" of their wives and having a look suggesting"hum tumhare hain sanam"
**bihari dudes......these r guys cladded in pink shirts,black pant & white belt.....true shisyas of guru "Manoj Tiwari" & "Ravi Kishan"(superstars of bhojpuri movies) starting each sentance of their conversation with "kyaa jiiiiii......."
& last but not the least.....people like me who come with the motive of devouring "shaadi ka khana" & observing people around.....taaki blogiyaane ke liye kuch maal mil jaye!!!!
as i was observing various species around suddenly one uncle caught hold of me & asked me abt the reason of my holiday weight dat i have put on recently.....seriously if the hollywood guys see me they will surely make a movie named..."the incredible bulk"........
now lets talk abt the dulha........i came 2 know dat the dulhaji was an air force pilot who was expected 2 land any moment 4m gorakhpur with his U.P waale bhaiyas who have 7-8 days old "paan, guthka & rajnigandhas"preserved in their mouth like mummys preseved in pyramids......
suddenly,there was lot of "halla-gulla" and everybody started shouting"baarat aa gaya jiiiiii"......relatives 4m the bride's side were ready with garland in their hands 2 welcome baaratis.......when dulha entered in the sceane......all the young girls+aunties got excited as if they just saw tom cruise naked....... as soon as dulha climbed the dias and sat in his royal seat....all the ladkiwallas stared at him as if he was last man left on the planet......then after few minutes...dulhan appeared in the sceane with her 2-3 sisters supporting her 4m 2 sides......after this balancing act, dulhan went up the dias....she gave a tiny glance to the dulha suggesting "maang bharo sajna" or"bin ferrey hum tere"types.......after "jaymaal" or u can say "the garland ceremony" the pair sat and few seconds later all the "saalis" pounced on dulha like dobermann pouces on the convict and the "jija saali chit- chat" began......
guys....i dont notice any marriage after "the garland ceremony"........so lets talk abt the food in the marriage
when i entered the hall where the food was served.....i saw a long line of the people yearning 4 food....i cud hear people saying following lines which u will hear only in a wedding
"bhaiji...zara teji se badhiye....humhu hain linewa mein"
"shukla ji....aap dahi vadawa kahe cheekk ke(bihari term of "obstruct") khade hain"
"arey bhaklol(bihari term of"idiot).....nan thanda na ho gaya hai...garam lao haali se(bihari term of"quick")"
there was no other way but 2 join the herd.......so i took a plate and joined the line as long as legs of deepika padukone.....and the type of people i met and struggle dat i went thru r as follows.......
as i started advancing in the line and had taken naan and pulao.... suddenly,i was obstructed by an uncle who was obfuscated abt the amount of daal he should take that should be in proportion with the amount of pulao....after lots of permutation & combination he achieved the desired ratio but again got confused with the amount of paneer he shud take so that it can fit in the area left between naan,pulao,salad without any overlapping with the daal providing enuf area so dat the next item i.e gulabjamun can easily adjusted....after frustating me 4 around 20mins he left the line & i took a sigh of relief which was shortlived.........
the next 2 uncles in the line ahead of me forgot abt their food and started discussing their children's prob obstructing me again.......their conversation was sumwat like....
uncle1:"ka batyein jhaji.....mera jo ladkwa hai na.....lafua(bihari term of "loafer") ho gaya hai....jab dekhiye ganja maar ke pada rehta hai....ka karein bataiye....."
uncle2:"mera betwa kaun sa doodh ka dhula hua hai......PMCH ke hostel mein ek room capture kar liya hai bhagwan jane kaise.....wahan din bhar daru peeta hai aur jua khelta hai"
me(thinking):"in dono awara beton ki shazza mujhe kyun mil rahi hai bhai......in dono beton ke chakkar mein meri panner thandi ho gayi"
after a long struggle i finally got my food....but lost my mood and apetite
to ye tha my experience of a bihari wedding.......hope u like it...bbye
DHANYAVAD
Posts
6 comments:
Jeo "MAHA BIHARI" !!! it was awesome...
again the material is good but u ne failed miserably 2 connect events...also ur posts r like "nanaji ka kaccha" ,bigger than required...make it crisp like a sports bra ,tight n just as much as is required...
jeo ho "robotic uncle" ka..... so our unclewaaa is back..... mast hai aur yaar.....
yaar kahana kesa tha shaddi mai.... wahi treditional items ki something different....
yaar isme barat ke naach-ganna ke typical bihari istyle ka tarka laga hota to iska jayaka kuch aur hi hota.....
"Tanaak postwa hai"
Ab to tum bhokal blogger bante jaa rahe ho uncle.....
literally there were instances where i was rolling on the floor like a nagin....he he
jus a couple of suggestions:
1. As Sayan has rightly pointed out to some extent.....events ko connect karne me thoda aur improvement aa sakta hai.
2. At some places the words used did not fit quite well e.g
sentence 1 : prolong the time period ki jagah prolong the orgasm wud hav had the right impact...
'just has one road to travel' samajh me nahi aaya..
'achieved' 6 packs......try some other word or change the sentence format....
these arent noticable issues though....:)
overall, mazaa gaya bhai....
its observation and improvisation at its best!!
"arey bhaklol(bihari term of"idiot).....nan thanda na ho gaya hai...garam lao haali se(bihari term of"quick")"
hahaha! it so reminded me of those days, when i used to pester my nanaji with a "ego bushirt kin dijiye humko"..and nanaji used to cajole me with a "dustakiya"..
And the post, i was hilarious in parts, but you need to look for yourself how you can edit it and look it as a reader. The similies used shudn't look forced, and i am glad you did well on this part but still a bit of polishing and nitpicking is required, which i am sure you'll take care the next time you put together a post!
and i must say you are on a exponential growth curve as a blogger! :) keep it up!
Hello Anurag, hilarious post. I am the editor of Simplymarryzine.com (Times Of India website) would liek to use this post of your on the website. Please email for more details simplymarryzine@gmail.com . Thanks
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